I’ve been giving serious thought the last few days as to what my rules should be when looking for a sub. But I decided to start at the beginning and think about what it is that I look for when I first meet someone who wants to worship at my boots and what are the common mistakes they make that turn me off.
Then I was cruisin’ some of the blogs I read on a regular basis when found the submissive man had been speaking to a Domme about the very same thing, so below is a combination of her insightful answers and mine;
1 - showing up to a first meeting without having made a effort looking like a scruff bag
2 - showing up after me and therefore not having a green tea waiting
3 - being unable to conduct a platonic and pressure-free first meeting
4 - not paying for the first date (a coffee or cuppa)
5 - not answering my question, or giving me a question back
6 - trying to initiate any conversations about sexuality without waiting for me to bring it up first. I want to have that conversation it usually means I’m interested in having a second date
7 - not taking no for an answer
8 – bad manners, table or otherwise
9 – not complimenting me on how I look
10 - balking at a preliminary task
11 – talking back
12 – not being able to have a conversation or stimulating me intellectually
And I like her last one, so I’m going to use it for my own;
13 - being anything other than the balanced, sane healthy man I want for a sub
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About Me
- Like Riding A Bike
- This blog is about my experiences of getting back into the BDSM scene after thirteen years away from it. I believe in SSC – Safe, Sane and Consensual, therefore I am keeping my identity to myself to protect those who trust me enough to be under my boot. I believe sex is something you never forget, you just have to get your balance back under control. All names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.
6 comments:
I think that if i were the domme i would pay for the first meeting, it turns convention neatly on its head and establishes who is boss.
I like your thinking jayne, but I’m coming from that he should be there before me and have the beverage waiting.
As a sub paying for the Domina would be my natural expectation on any date but if she has other ideas that would be fine with me.
The rules you list in this post ring true for me but how are they any different to what most straight women would expect from a first date with a man?
To be honest ouimistress, I don't think they really differ much from the expectations of most straight women on a first date, except these are rules, not 'would be nices'.
Also as a straight woman who goes on dates, I don't tend to expect the man to be there before me, I don't expect him to pay (I go dutch on vanilla dates) and it's highly unlikely I would have given him a prelimary task.
But thanks for making me think about this some more. Clearly I'm not done yet.
Any suggestions ouimistress?
Well following are some suggestions for what else sub men shouldn't do on first dates (or any dates for that matter):
- Not opening doors for her
- Not paying close attention to what she is talking about, esp on subjects that are important to her (e.g. family, career, major interests)
- Talking overly about himself, especially if it's not directly relevant to what she is talking about
- Not showing any wit or humour (Femdom is too important to take seriously)
- Being negative in comment or action
- Having his mobile turned on or not on silent mode (of course she can have hers on and answer it if it rings)
- Looking at other women
- If meeting over a drink having more alcohol than her
- If having a meal together ordering unhealthy food (a fun body is a fit body)
Like the previous rules most of these aren't really Femdom specific. However if they don't occur it indicates a second date with a more Femdom focus is worth considering.
If only i lived closer to you...
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