I know I’m not unique in the confusion I’m feeling about Rubbermaid. People around the world are feeling similar things in similar situations, but I have to say this feeling is new to me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused.
Ok, so for the last twelve odd years I’ve been pretty sure about my feelings towards my partner, first there was deep love, then frustration, then briefly intense dislike, then respect, then a love that nothing will ever surpass, the love of family. Then finally came the feeling that if I didn’t get out of there, there was going to be headlines. Through all that, I still love him and would never want hurt to come to him.
Now, nine months after my separation, I’m into new feelings, or feelings I haven’t experienced for such a long time, I’ve forgotten them.
I don’t love Rubbermaid. I like him. I enjoy spending time with him; despite the confusion he causes my brain. But, do I enjoy his company because it’s just that, company?
Would I miss him if he was gone or would I just move on to the next one? I think I would miss him, even though he’s only been in my life about eight weeks, he feels somehow familiar regardless of the fact I know very little about him (he’s not a big talker). Having said that, I would move on, no tears shed.
Tonight however, I’m putting myself through something perilous. In fact I think a full Brazilian (even that little bit right at the front, just above your clit) would be less painful than what I am to experience tonight; I’m going to dinner with him, his neighbours (who he’s known for five years), his flatmate (whom I suspect is much more invested in the relationship than him) and his ex-girlfriend (who got in contact with him again a couple of weeks ago after she dumped him 6 months ago). To top it off, due to another longstanding commitment, I’ll be arriving last.
Right now I feeling, anxious, nervous and like I’ve gone completely insane and that I should call him to say I can’t make it.
Or maybe I should take my toothbrush?
Update 9-4-08 1147am : It was OK. The neighbours were nice and cat mad. The flatmate was welcoming but bossy and the ex was a whiney sloth who got the hump with me even though I said very little and left after I’d been there 45 minutes.
All is well with the world
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4 comments:
You are a brave, strong woman and I am sure you will knock their socks off.
Now didn't you tell me some months ago that the great thing about being a Dom is not having to carry a huge bag around, will your toothbrush fit into a pocket!!!
I love what you have written about your ex it is so similar to my feelings for mine. Now and forever more he will be family despite him telling me today that he is getting remarried at the weekend.
I didn't take my toothbrush. I went with the scare her away option ;-)
forty-five minutes is that long enough to scare a whiny ex? I'm sure you and I could put on a really good act if we wanted to!!!!!
I didn't do or say anything. I think it may have been the subtle glances and the invisable to everyone else but her snake hair.
Medusa ROCKS!
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